Tales from the Trail

As Audra described in her post, the guys we were hiking with for the first half of the trip pretty much blew us off every day to compete with each other over who could get down the trail first. As a result, Audra and I spent a good amount of time on our own at the back of the pack, chatting, listening to music, singing, or just hiking in silence together. Though I can’t remember exactly how it all started, at some point we started composing little ditties together—parodies of other songs, mostly, that had to do with our experiences on the trail. What follows are the lyrics of our two most complete songs. If you don’t know the song they go with, you should definitely look that up while you read. Enjoy J

Theme 1: Blister care and prevention. A major issue when you’re walking for 20 days straight. This song explores the challenge of catching the blister before it’s too late and not being too proud to admit there’s a problem.

“That Rubbin’ Feeling” (to the tune of “That Lovin’ Feeling”)

You never plan ahead anymore when you lace your shoes

Packed no blister pads like the guidebook told you to

You’re trying hard to conceal it (baby)

But baby, baby you feel it!

You’ve got that rubbin’ feeling

Whoa that rubbin’ feeling

You’ve got that rubbin’ feeling

Put some moleskin on

Before it’s too far gone oh oh whoa

Baby baby you’ve walked ten miles in those shoes

Feel that, blister, growing, you don’t want it to!

You have some boots, some boots, some boots that don’t rub everyday

So don’t, don’t, don’t let your pride get in the way

I’m singin’ baby, baby, baby, baby

Please, I’m beggin’ you please, please please

You need to stop, she needs to stop, so please just stop, sit down and stop

Take off that boot, take it all off! Take off that boot, ohhh!

You’ve got that rubbin’ feeling

Whoa that rubbin’ feeling

You’ve got that rubbin’ feeling

Put some moleskin on

Before it’s too far gone

And you can’t go on oh oh whoa

Theme 2: Relieving yourself in the woods. Enough said?

“Don’t Turn Around” (to the tune of Ace of Base’s “Don’t Turn Around”)

[Don’t tell me that you have to pee]

Hiking on the trail

Been drinking all day

And when you gotta go, darling

There’s only so long you can delay

I wanna be strong, I wanna stay dry

But something is trickling down my thigh

[Be proud of yourself, you’ve hydrated well, it’ll be clear and copious]

Don’t turn around! ‘Cause you’re gonna see my butt shakin’

Don’t turn around! I don’t want you seeing my thighs

Just walk away! You can’t believe how much I’ve been peein’

But I gotta go—I don’t want you to know

Don’t want you to know

I’ve had this pack around me

Squeezing me tight [squeezing me tight]

I see my hiking buddies

Enjoying the sights [enjoying the sights]

I need a pit stop, I’m poppin’ a squat

I’m scopin ‘ a place to make the drop

[It’s inevitable, their backs are all turned, so go on and go]

Don’t turn around! ‘Cause you’re gonna see my trowel rakin’

Don’t turn around! Diggin’ six inches takes time

Just walk away! Not much place to hide past the tree line

Make do with a rock

And assume a full squat!

I wish I could squeeze and wait for a toilet

Oh what I would give for a full throne

Walkin’ up the hill she feels the urge comin’ on

People on the trail, they don’t know what’s goin’ on

They stop and turn around

She’s gone…

Don’t turn around! ‘Cause you’re gonna see my but shakin’

Don’t turn around! I don’t want you seeing my thighs

Just walk away! You can’t believe how much I’ve been peein’

But I gotta go—baby don’t turn around!

Just walk away

You can’t believe how much I’ve been peein’

But I gotta go—don’t turn around!